No, not the kind of birth control talked about in the old Seinfeld episodes where “the sponge” gets taken off the market and Elaine has to decide whether a man is worth sharing her dwindling supply with. This kind is the complete opposite of deciding whether a man is worth the birth control. This is about your worth.
Pat says that as women we must love ourselves first, so that others can love us secondarily. She compares women to sponges. She says you can't soak up water (or love) with a dry sponge; it must be wet with self love, in order to receive love from a man.
This kind of sponge-worthiness is about self love and teaching a man by your actions that you will NEVER love him more than you love yourself. Think about it, I for one can attest that the times when I have over given to a man I have been angry.
Let me give you an example. I have a neighbor who had just come back from an extended stay in Vegas. His Range Rover was dead, so I gave him a jump…and waited. He then needed to work on the battery on his Harley Davidson…I left. Before I did he asked me if I would follow him to the Harley dealership the next day, I said that I would, and that I’d like to leave between 11-12—which meant to me that I would be ready by 11—but I also knew that he would probably still be on Pacific time and jet lagged.
The next morning I waited until 11:30 to call him—he told me that he needed a half hour. I called him back at 12:10 and he told me that he was brushing his teeth, putting on his shoes and he would be right over. I called him again at 12:40 as he still hadn’t driven down the hill to my house (we live on a mountain) and left him a message that I needed to go to my attorneys’ office and that I would call him back in an hour and a half when I came back home.
I was pretty chalked waiting for him as I was the one doing him a favor. The entire time I was waiting for him I was getting angrier and angrier until I said enough and took care of myself. Once I decided to do what I needed to do, the anger dissipated I was free to relax. Then it didn’t matter to me if he took all day long to collect himself.
I had momentarily forgotten to love myself first. I had to value my time, if I want him to. I must be better to myself, than I needed him to be. I needed to make my own needs a priority. When I did, he asked me if I could pick him up at the Harley dealership. He gave me an apology and 50 bucks as a thank you for my time. I didn’t ask for either; I didn’t have to; he learned by my actions. Behavior modification and self care worked. Repeated calling and self sacrificing my time didn’t.
Let me extrapolate this to sex. How often as a woman have you or do you have friends who sleep with a guy hoping that she’d “catch” him by sleeping with him? Wrong move.
I’m reminded of a story that my younger brother told me of a girl who he slept with the first night they met. She had instantly bonded to him—she had that feeling he was special—and that he also somehow felt a special connection with her because they had slept together that night. When she said to him that she thought that he thought she was special, he laughed and said “how special can you be to me, I just met you”. She was heartbroken; but she did that to herself. She didn’t love herself enough to say no, but thank you, I’m attracted to you too, however, I’m not comfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship. Had she done that, it might have made her special in his eyes.
She thought that because she gave him sex he would think better or differently of her when compared to any other women who were also giving him sex…how painfully wrong she was. Men can get sex from lots of women, so it’s not the deciding factor of who and who a man won’t have a real relationship with or even marry.
It is not that men want a challenge. Once the challenge is met it is possible that a man loses interest. It’s not the challenge as much as it is virtue and value she sets for the commitment that she wants that has a man’s interest. A woman could be a challenge forever; a man want a woman who is filled with love—unwavering, centered and knows her worth. A woman filled with self love won't settle for crumbs from a man—including sexual crumbs. I woman must be able to say to a man that she loves him dearly, but not more than she loves herself.
Let me give you another case and point. I know a man who has been chasing a woman for years. From day one, she told him that she wasn’t interested in many ways. Her body language has her arms folded in front of her when he speaks to her; she ignores him with no response when he tells her he has lust for her. She insults him. He couldn’t get her and he couldn’t get her out of his head. He dated other women; he had sex with other women; no one compared. She used him to buy her tea at 2:00 a.m. when she was sick; and probably to further her career by proximity. She used him for herself care. He said he felt a real connection with her; I laughed—very obviously whatever fantasy he felt that she was “the one” because he said so, it was not reciprocated. He compares her by saying that she has “a rare inner glow”; he sees that in her because he loves her.
I recently saw some video of him, he looks crushed. His upper body is caved in when he sits; his head is dropped downward; he finally realized that he would never be the one she would want; he’s on antidepressants; he did it to himself.
He saw her as a challenge but didn’t see the reality of her not wanting him; he didn’t see her lack of virtue by dating and (probably) sleeping with other men. She kept telling him, he didn’t hear her in the sensory languages that she spoke to him. I saw her lack of interest instantly.
Now he’s had his Fisher King wound; it should have happened to him by the time he was ten. It’s the moment that a mother says no and teaches her son that the world is not for his gratification to take from, but to give to. It’s the moment that turns a boy into a man, by learning that he needs to do good to feel good. It is his obligation as a male to protect, cherish and provide for women, children, animals and the planet. For a man to love he has to give; for a woman to be loved, she must learn to receive. He says he’s changed; good for him. He’s had his emotional castration from her and he’s no longer a boy. She is not his lover, maybe someday he’ll see that she was a far more important gift; it wasn’t the gift he wanted, but it was the gift that he needed. I would hope that his behavior is no longer that of a frat boy insulting her and then wanting her. She couldn’t trust him; I don’t know if there is a woman on the planet that could and that was ultimately the reason she didn’t say yes. She loved herself more than the possibility of his not being worth the risk of being vulnerable to him.
Any man can sleep with women and not have any feelings for them at all; a woman bonds to a man emotionally with her body. A man bonds to a woman with a contract. Pat says that the only two lays that are important are the first and the last. The first time, she’s made commitment to a man; the last time is the ending of that commitment. Be cautious of how quickly you sleep with a man; Pat says that a relationship doesn't grow past the place of your first lay. Be cautious that you've gotten the commitment that you want from a man before you sleep with him. A man doesn't fall deeper in love with you by what you give him including sex. He falls deeper in love with you by what he gives to you outside of the bedroom.
Pat says that as women we must love ourselves first, so that others can love us secondarily. She compares women to sponges. She says you can't soak up water (or love) with a dry sponge; it must be wet with self love, in order to receive love from a man.
This kind of sponge-worthiness is about self love and teaching a man by your actions that you will NEVER love him more than you love yourself. Think about it, I for one can attest that the times when I have over given to a man I have been angry.
Let me give you an example. I have a neighbor who had just come back from an extended stay in Vegas. His Range Rover was dead, so I gave him a jump…and waited. He then needed to work on the battery on his Harley Davidson…I left. Before I did he asked me if I would follow him to the Harley dealership the next day, I said that I would, and that I’d like to leave between 11-12—which meant to me that I would be ready by 11—but I also knew that he would probably still be on Pacific time and jet lagged.
The next morning I waited until 11:30 to call him—he told me that he needed a half hour. I called him back at 12:10 and he told me that he was brushing his teeth, putting on his shoes and he would be right over. I called him again at 12:40 as he still hadn’t driven down the hill to my house (we live on a mountain) and left him a message that I needed to go to my attorneys’ office and that I would call him back in an hour and a half when I came back home.
I was pretty chalked waiting for him as I was the one doing him a favor. The entire time I was waiting for him I was getting angrier and angrier until I said enough and took care of myself. Once I decided to do what I needed to do, the anger dissipated I was free to relax. Then it didn’t matter to me if he took all day long to collect himself.
I had momentarily forgotten to love myself first. I had to value my time, if I want him to. I must be better to myself, than I needed him to be. I needed to make my own needs a priority. When I did, he asked me if I could pick him up at the Harley dealership. He gave me an apology and 50 bucks as a thank you for my time. I didn’t ask for either; I didn’t have to; he learned by my actions. Behavior modification and self care worked. Repeated calling and self sacrificing my time didn’t.
Let me extrapolate this to sex. How often as a woman have you or do you have friends who sleep with a guy hoping that she’d “catch” him by sleeping with him? Wrong move.
I’m reminded of a story that my younger brother told me of a girl who he slept with the first night they met. She had instantly bonded to him—she had that feeling he was special—and that he also somehow felt a special connection with her because they had slept together that night. When she said to him that she thought that he thought she was special, he laughed and said “how special can you be to me, I just met you”. She was heartbroken; but she did that to herself. She didn’t love herself enough to say no, but thank you, I’m attracted to you too, however, I’m not comfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship. Had she done that, it might have made her special in his eyes.
She thought that because she gave him sex he would think better or differently of her when compared to any other women who were also giving him sex…how painfully wrong she was. Men can get sex from lots of women, so it’s not the deciding factor of who and who a man won’t have a real relationship with or even marry.
It is not that men want a challenge. Once the challenge is met it is possible that a man loses interest. It’s not the challenge as much as it is virtue and value she sets for the commitment that she wants that has a man’s interest. A woman could be a challenge forever; a man want a woman who is filled with love—unwavering, centered and knows her worth. A woman filled with self love won't settle for crumbs from a man—including sexual crumbs. I woman must be able to say to a man that she loves him dearly, but not more than she loves herself.
Let me give you another case and point. I know a man who has been chasing a woman for years. From day one, she told him that she wasn’t interested in many ways. Her body language has her arms folded in front of her when he speaks to her; she ignores him with no response when he tells her he has lust for her. She insults him. He couldn’t get her and he couldn’t get her out of his head. He dated other women; he had sex with other women; no one compared. She used him to buy her tea at 2:00 a.m. when she was sick; and probably to further her career by proximity. She used him for herself care. He said he felt a real connection with her; I laughed—very obviously whatever fantasy he felt that she was “the one” because he said so, it was not reciprocated. He compares her by saying that she has “a rare inner glow”; he sees that in her because he loves her.
I recently saw some video of him, he looks crushed. His upper body is caved in when he sits; his head is dropped downward; he finally realized that he would never be the one she would want; he’s on antidepressants; he did it to himself.
He saw her as a challenge but didn’t see the reality of her not wanting him; he didn’t see her lack of virtue by dating and (probably) sleeping with other men. She kept telling him, he didn’t hear her in the sensory languages that she spoke to him. I saw her lack of interest instantly.
Now he’s had his Fisher King wound; it should have happened to him by the time he was ten. It’s the moment that a mother says no and teaches her son that the world is not for his gratification to take from, but to give to. It’s the moment that turns a boy into a man, by learning that he needs to do good to feel good. It is his obligation as a male to protect, cherish and provide for women, children, animals and the planet. For a man to love he has to give; for a woman to be loved, she must learn to receive. He says he’s changed; good for him. He’s had his emotional castration from her and he’s no longer a boy. She is not his lover, maybe someday he’ll see that she was a far more important gift; it wasn’t the gift he wanted, but it was the gift that he needed. I would hope that his behavior is no longer that of a frat boy insulting her and then wanting her. She couldn’t trust him; I don’t know if there is a woman on the planet that could and that was ultimately the reason she didn’t say yes. She loved herself more than the possibility of his not being worth the risk of being vulnerable to him.
Any man can sleep with women and not have any feelings for them at all; a woman bonds to a man emotionally with her body. A man bonds to a woman with a contract. Pat says that the only two lays that are important are the first and the last. The first time, she’s made commitment to a man; the last time is the ending of that commitment. Be cautious of how quickly you sleep with a man; Pat says that a relationship doesn't grow past the place of your first lay. Be cautious that you've gotten the commitment that you want from a man before you sleep with him. A man doesn't fall deeper in love with you by what you give him including sex. He falls deeper in love with you by what he gives to you outside of the bedroom.
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