I heard one of my mentors today in a podcast discussing alpha females and say that she was trying to teach lady-like behavior to women who could be killers. I've been laughing my ass off all day long over that line; I was polishing my nails as I listened. She's right. Knowing what I know about how alpha's are equally both male and female, knowing who I am in that if someone throws a figurative punch, I don't hesitate to throw one back...knowing that I wouldn't have taken an NRA course and gotten a gun permit if I didn't have the courage to shoot to kill; knowing that if it came down to me or them; it's going to be me and at the same time knowing that my real wish is that I didn't have to...how at my core I loved being a woman and being soft in the right man's presence. How much I loving feeling protected and provided for...I was born in the wrong period of time...it should have been coach covers and double barrelled pistols, long dresses, gloves and the gentility of when a father gave the safety of his daughter (after his long contemplation) to the care of another man...
I wrote to a kindred-spirited feral female telling her that I thought this was the funniest line I've ever heard Pat say and her response to me was that not only could we be killers, but we want killers! I've thought about it, she's right. Her husband packs heat every time they go out...he believes it is his duty to protect her; that we don't live in a society that is civilized enough to let down your guard for a moment...a Southern man born and bred who fervently says that just because the South lost the War, doesn't mean I've changed my mind...he's interesting...
I've thought about my other female friends who chose the same types of mates. One had a child with a man who had distantly related aristocratic bloodline who says collectively of his family "they had a penchant for torture and impeccable table manners". I thought about how I've had to train myself to respect a man's power and step back a bit out of the light when he brings out those levels of feminity in me. How during a date I have learned to have my back to the room and allow him to view oncoming threats. Bed position is harder. I once read that a man's natural instinct is to sleep closest to the door to protect his family. It feels more natural for me to sleep on the left side of the bed. It feels submissive to allow my potential husband to sleep to my right--with me closer to his heartbeat, turning toward him in that direction, and presuming that he is righthanded, allowing him his dominant hand to touch me.
Maybe it's my choices of entertainment--the warrior spirit of the pugilistic arts, MI-5, decoded...maybe it all started with Honey West when I was little....maybe it's my secret wish to go to law school; maybe it's what I do for a living; maybe it is the spirit of the Hindu Goddess mother Durga that lives in a carved Balinese statue in my living room. Durga in Sanskrit means a fort, or a place which is difficult to overrun. Another meaning which literally translates into "the one who eliminates sufferings". Durga protects her devotees from the evils of the world and at the same time removes their miseries. A lofty goal.
I found the statue in an antique store and thought about it for a year. One day I woke up and thought that if it was still there, I was going to buy it...and I did. I'm not Hindu, but for those that are, they are frequently surprised to see it in my home and often ask me why I have it. I don't know the answer to that, but I knew it was meant to be mine. I had someone once ask me if it had been prayed over, because if it had been, it needed to be returned to a temple. I asked him how I would know, he told me I would feel it....I couldn't....
An alpha male--smarter than I am; stronger than I am--a better man than I am. It's what I need and nothing else will do....multi-faceted--part diamond, part coal. He has to have enough "street" in him to keep me warm, safe and protected and enough gentleman to know when it's appropriate to have which part of him show up when...I just wish it would be sooner than later....
I wrote to a kindred-spirited feral female telling her that I thought this was the funniest line I've ever heard Pat say and her response to me was that not only could we be killers, but we want killers! I've thought about it, she's right. Her husband packs heat every time they go out...he believes it is his duty to protect her; that we don't live in a society that is civilized enough to let down your guard for a moment...a Southern man born and bred who fervently says that just because the South lost the War, doesn't mean I've changed my mind...he's interesting...
I've thought about my other female friends who chose the same types of mates. One had a child with a man who had distantly related aristocratic bloodline who says collectively of his family "they had a penchant for torture and impeccable table manners". I thought about how I've had to train myself to respect a man's power and step back a bit out of the light when he brings out those levels of feminity in me. How during a date I have learned to have my back to the room and allow him to view oncoming threats. Bed position is harder. I once read that a man's natural instinct is to sleep closest to the door to protect his family. It feels more natural for me to sleep on the left side of the bed. It feels submissive to allow my potential husband to sleep to my right--with me closer to his heartbeat, turning toward him in that direction, and presuming that he is righthanded, allowing him his dominant hand to touch me.
Maybe it's my choices of entertainment--the warrior spirit of the pugilistic arts, MI-5, decoded...maybe it all started with Honey West when I was little....maybe it's my secret wish to go to law school; maybe it's what I do for a living; maybe it is the spirit of the Hindu Goddess mother Durga that lives in a carved Balinese statue in my living room. Durga in Sanskrit means a fort, or a place which is difficult to overrun. Another meaning which literally translates into "the one who eliminates sufferings". Durga protects her devotees from the evils of the world and at the same time removes their miseries. A lofty goal.
I found the statue in an antique store and thought about it for a year. One day I woke up and thought that if it was still there, I was going to buy it...and I did. I'm not Hindu, but for those that are, they are frequently surprised to see it in my home and often ask me why I have it. I don't know the answer to that, but I knew it was meant to be mine. I had someone once ask me if it had been prayed over, because if it had been, it needed to be returned to a temple. I asked him how I would know, he told me I would feel it....I couldn't....
An alpha male--smarter than I am; stronger than I am--a better man than I am. It's what I need and nothing else will do....multi-faceted--part diamond, part coal. He has to have enough "street" in him to keep me warm, safe and protected and enough gentleman to know when it's appropriate to have which part of him show up when...I just wish it would be sooner than later....
No comments:
Post a Comment