JF came to me this week for advice on a man who is a doctor and 7 years her elder. Sparks flew between them this past summer, but JF was involved in another relationship. Her boyfriend broke up with her over some minor infraction which he blew out of proportion. My advice to JF on her boyfriend was not to take him back (as he asked the next day) but to explore other men while he needed to not only think about what he had done by breaking up with her, but to learn his lesson for all future women that may cross his path. On the day JF changed her facebook status to single, our hero M.D. ‘friended’ her and the text flirting began—with me as the third party.
Hero asked to see her when she was home from school—in essence to ‘hit him up’ and she asked me what to do. I told her that it wasn’t a good enough offer and that she should tell him that you’d love to see him but that that you really don't feel comfortable calling guys-- that it makes you feel like you’re chasing them and its uncomfortable for you. Say it exactly like that. You have to use “feeling” words.
Let him “tick-tock” and think about how to resolve that issue for you; he needs to figure out how to be in touch with you—not you with him.
He said he’ll take the reins lol and he said what he meant was that I should just let him know when I’ll be home so he can set something up. And then he said your parents won’t care that I’m much older?
Perfect! Manly response. Say that your parents trust that you will do the right thing for yourself. That lets him know that you love yourself more than you’ll ever love him and also thank him for respecting your parents being protective of you and that’s sweet that he thought of them.
(Now when you are getting ready to come home, about a week to 10 days beforehand tell him that you’ll be home between the dates of x and y and you’d love to see him. You have to give him enough time to remember to ask you out as well as plan something in advance. He has to look forward to seeing you so give him enough “man time” to think about you. Little to no notice will either lead you to a hang-out date or his unavailability to see you.)
He asked what I’m studying right now…tell him…men love it when they can teach you something…if you can use his help, ask for it; asking for help let’s them know there is room for them in your life.
He just asked me what I was studying and I told him poli sci—then he said ‘cool’…should I thank him?
No, you have nothing to respond to.
He just texted me and said ‘wild guess, you’re not with your boyfriend anymore?’ what do I say?
Tell him no, that although it was painful to say goodbye, ultimately you knew that he wasn’t the right man for you….and he’ll probably ask you what you’re looking for.
(Next text) oh my gosh you’re so good! He just asked me what I was looking for at this point in my life. What do I say?
Say that although you want to finish school that you’d like to be in a relationship that might ultimately lead to marriage and children.
I’m not saying that—it freaks me out.
You have to—then he begins to look at you as potential wife material and not a quick lay. It makes him think seriously about you—not that you’re a ‘right now’ hookup or party girl. And it also lets him know that you won’t put up with any player shit he may be contemplating. It’ll also make him wonder what kind of shit your boyfriend pulled and why you dumped him. Trust me he’s going to ask you what went wrong with him that you had to say goodbye to a one year plus relationship. He’s going to ask you that to figure out how to step up to the plate and to be a better man than the one you just left.
He just said to me, aren’t you 19?
Respond yes I am!
He said why settle down so early?
Right now he’s figuring out how cheaply he can have you. You have to show him that you’re marriage material or you’ll never get to girlfriend material—it shows him that you won’t settle for anything less than a man treating you that way. You must set your price high—not low.
Say to him that you aren’t settling down YET but that you know in your heart that although you are preparing for a career that nothing will ultimately make you happier than being a wife to a man you adore and having that man’s children.
Right now he’s fantasizing to try to figure out if you’d fit in his life…let him think about this for a few moments…
He said ‘I see’ what do I do now? He’s a cocky asshole.
Do nothing…he’s thinking. Either he’s going to show himself to be a player and fade away right now or he’s going to take you seriously. You must always tell a man that you’re looking for a long term committed relationship potentially leading to marriage or you become the right now girl, not the right one.
He said he totally gets it and that I sound really mature for my age.
Excellent—you just past the first test—now you’re not an easy lay. He may try again and again but now you’re different than the other girls who are throwing themselves at him. When he tries again—and he will, you will have to remind him that the two of you have already been all through this and he knows how you feel.
He just said to me ‘you’re still saving yourself, huh?’
Respond yes, of course. I can think of no greater gift to give my husband than knowing that he has every part of me—heart, body and soul.
He said very cool.
He’s considering the price he is going to have to pay to have you. As I said, you MUST set it high. Either he’ll step up to the plate to win you or he’ll consider the price too high, and fade away. This sounds like you’re being cockier than he is, but you’re not—you’re being sweet but not giving yourself to him easily. Other women will, but this sets you apart and makes you special. You have to keep him thinking. And now he knows that your boyfriend didn’t have ALL of you.
What do I say now?
Nothing, he’s “tick-tocking”—processing everything you just said to him…
He just said to me ‘that’s got to be somewhat difficult, no?”
Believe me he’s thinking about what your boyfriend did or didn’t do to cut the mustard and what he has to do to step it up…
Respond, of course, I’m an affectionate woman but it’s not a gift that I’m easily willing to part with. I hope you can understand my feelings on this.
He just said if I’m affectionate that when the day comes, I’ll be addicted…what do I say to that?
Say that you’re blushing at the thought but that the sharing of yourselves to each other is one of the greatest pleasures of marriage.
He just asked if I was super religious.
Say that your spirituality is important to you…(This is good, he’s mentally trying you on…)
You have to say those words to him exactly—your spirituality...
Right now we don’t know what his religion is and two years from now if/when he asks you to marry him you can tell him that you have always NEEDED to raise your children catholic, that you cannot imagine it any other way. Right now, if you mention Catholicism to him, his religion verses yours may be a deal breaker in his mind. If he falls deeply in love with you, he may be flexible in changing his religion to yours in order to have the privilege of making you his wife.
He just asked what my vices are.
Tell him laughing…that you love to laugh.
Really, do I say that?
Yes, he’s trying you on. He has lots of stress in his life. He needs to know that when he comes home after a long day of illness and unhappiness that he has a respite of joy being in your company and he needs to look forward to coming home to you. You NEED to bring happiness, beauty and meaning into his life.
He said that’s not a vice.
Just say lol that you don’t have any.
He said jeez.
Tell him that you have a happy life without any vices. JF he’s trying you on mentally—he needs a woman without vices to show off as his captured prize to his colleagues. You are a beautiful, virtuous, spiritual, vice-less woman—the perfect wife and mother.
(JF, These are the markings of a man who is seriously thinking about you by asking all of the right questions—not the usual ‘what’s up’ bullshit.)
Ok, but I feel like he’s so old…
he just said he can agree with what I just said about my lack of vices because his life is so awesome and he’s never bummed.
Say that sounds really wonderful.
Remember JF that this man is PRACTICE for you to learn how to respond femininely and ‘properly’. He may take you to Italy with him this summer or this may be one date but remember that THIS man can buy you a shore house for your parents…this man can afford to do the traveling that you want to. It’s not the men that you attract, but the one’s that you ultimately decide to keep in your life. The right man KNOWS that his responsibility is not only his wife, but the people/things she loves. He will do his best to make you happy—the old saying goes “happy wife, happy life” for a reason. A man in love will always work to make you happy—they live for it. Dr. Pat says that a masculine man will not “feed himself” you must feed him with your happiness and appreciation for what he does for you. She says a man cannot feed himself in this manner—you must feed him or he dies without it.
Ok but this is kinda scary.
Maybe this guy is ‘the one’ maybe he’s not. But this is teaching you how to behave to have a man be captured/captivated by wonderful you! No one is putting a ring on your finger anytime soon, yes? Bait your hook and reel him in. You may do a catch and release, or take him home—right now, it’s just practice…
Hero asked to see her when she was home from school—in essence to ‘hit him up’ and she asked me what to do. I told her that it wasn’t a good enough offer and that she should tell him that you’d love to see him but that that you really don't feel comfortable calling guys-- that it makes you feel like you’re chasing them and its uncomfortable for you. Say it exactly like that. You have to use “feeling” words.
Let him “tick-tock” and think about how to resolve that issue for you; he needs to figure out how to be in touch with you—not you with him.
He said he’ll take the reins lol and he said what he meant was that I should just let him know when I’ll be home so he can set something up. And then he said your parents won’t care that I’m much older?
Perfect! Manly response. Say that your parents trust that you will do the right thing for yourself. That lets him know that you love yourself more than you’ll ever love him and also thank him for respecting your parents being protective of you and that’s sweet that he thought of them.
(Now when you are getting ready to come home, about a week to 10 days beforehand tell him that you’ll be home between the dates of x and y and you’d love to see him. You have to give him enough time to remember to ask you out as well as plan something in advance. He has to look forward to seeing you so give him enough “man time” to think about you. Little to no notice will either lead you to a hang-out date or his unavailability to see you.)
He asked what I’m studying right now…tell him…men love it when they can teach you something…if you can use his help, ask for it; asking for help let’s them know there is room for them in your life.
He just asked me what I was studying and I told him poli sci—then he said ‘cool’…should I thank him?
No, you have nothing to respond to.
He just texted me and said ‘wild guess, you’re not with your boyfriend anymore?’ what do I say?
Tell him no, that although it was painful to say goodbye, ultimately you knew that he wasn’t the right man for you….and he’ll probably ask you what you’re looking for.
(Next text) oh my gosh you’re so good! He just asked me what I was looking for at this point in my life. What do I say?
Say that although you want to finish school that you’d like to be in a relationship that might ultimately lead to marriage and children.
I’m not saying that—it freaks me out.
You have to—then he begins to look at you as potential wife material and not a quick lay. It makes him think seriously about you—not that you’re a ‘right now’ hookup or party girl. And it also lets him know that you won’t put up with any player shit he may be contemplating. It’ll also make him wonder what kind of shit your boyfriend pulled and why you dumped him. Trust me he’s going to ask you what went wrong with him that you had to say goodbye to a one year plus relationship. He’s going to ask you that to figure out how to step up to the plate and to be a better man than the one you just left.
He just said to me, aren’t you 19?
Respond yes I am!
He said why settle down so early?
Right now he’s figuring out how cheaply he can have you. You have to show him that you’re marriage material or you’ll never get to girlfriend material—it shows him that you won’t settle for anything less than a man treating you that way. You must set your price high—not low.
Say to him that you aren’t settling down YET but that you know in your heart that although you are preparing for a career that nothing will ultimately make you happier than being a wife to a man you adore and having that man’s children.
Right now he’s fantasizing to try to figure out if you’d fit in his life…let him think about this for a few moments…
He said ‘I see’ what do I do now? He’s a cocky asshole.
Do nothing…he’s thinking. Either he’s going to show himself to be a player and fade away right now or he’s going to take you seriously. You must always tell a man that you’re looking for a long term committed relationship potentially leading to marriage or you become the right now girl, not the right one.
He said he totally gets it and that I sound really mature for my age.
Excellent—you just past the first test—now you’re not an easy lay. He may try again and again but now you’re different than the other girls who are throwing themselves at him. When he tries again—and he will, you will have to remind him that the two of you have already been all through this and he knows how you feel.
He just said to me ‘you’re still saving yourself, huh?’
Respond yes, of course. I can think of no greater gift to give my husband than knowing that he has every part of me—heart, body and soul.
He said very cool.
He’s considering the price he is going to have to pay to have you. As I said, you MUST set it high. Either he’ll step up to the plate to win you or he’ll consider the price too high, and fade away. This sounds like you’re being cockier than he is, but you’re not—you’re being sweet but not giving yourself to him easily. Other women will, but this sets you apart and makes you special. You have to keep him thinking. And now he knows that your boyfriend didn’t have ALL of you.
What do I say now?
Nothing, he’s “tick-tocking”—processing everything you just said to him…
He just said to me ‘that’s got to be somewhat difficult, no?”
Believe me he’s thinking about what your boyfriend did or didn’t do to cut the mustard and what he has to do to step it up…
Respond, of course, I’m an affectionate woman but it’s not a gift that I’m easily willing to part with. I hope you can understand my feelings on this.
He just said if I’m affectionate that when the day comes, I’ll be addicted…what do I say to that?
Say that you’re blushing at the thought but that the sharing of yourselves to each other is one of the greatest pleasures of marriage.
He just asked if I was super religious.
Say that your spirituality is important to you…(This is good, he’s mentally trying you on…)
You have to say those words to him exactly—your spirituality...
Right now we don’t know what his religion is and two years from now if/when he asks you to marry him you can tell him that you have always NEEDED to raise your children catholic, that you cannot imagine it any other way. Right now, if you mention Catholicism to him, his religion verses yours may be a deal breaker in his mind. If he falls deeply in love with you, he may be flexible in changing his religion to yours in order to have the privilege of making you his wife.
He just asked what my vices are.
Tell him laughing…that you love to laugh.
Really, do I say that?
Yes, he’s trying you on. He has lots of stress in his life. He needs to know that when he comes home after a long day of illness and unhappiness that he has a respite of joy being in your company and he needs to look forward to coming home to you. You NEED to bring happiness, beauty and meaning into his life.
He said that’s not a vice.
Just say lol that you don’t have any.
He said jeez.
Tell him that you have a happy life without any vices. JF he’s trying you on mentally—he needs a woman without vices to show off as his captured prize to his colleagues. You are a beautiful, virtuous, spiritual, vice-less woman—the perfect wife and mother.
(JF, These are the markings of a man who is seriously thinking about you by asking all of the right questions—not the usual ‘what’s up’ bullshit.)
Ok, but I feel like he’s so old…
he just said he can agree with what I just said about my lack of vices because his life is so awesome and he’s never bummed.
Say that sounds really wonderful.
Remember JF that this man is PRACTICE for you to learn how to respond femininely and ‘properly’. He may take you to Italy with him this summer or this may be one date but remember that THIS man can buy you a shore house for your parents…this man can afford to do the traveling that you want to. It’s not the men that you attract, but the one’s that you ultimately decide to keep in your life. The right man KNOWS that his responsibility is not only his wife, but the people/things she loves. He will do his best to make you happy—the old saying goes “happy wife, happy life” for a reason. A man in love will always work to make you happy—they live for it. Dr. Pat says that a masculine man will not “feed himself” you must feed him with your happiness and appreciation for what he does for you. She says a man cannot feed himself in this manner—you must feed him or he dies without it.
Ok but this is kinda scary.
Maybe this guy is ‘the one’ maybe he’s not. But this is teaching you how to behave to have a man be captured/captivated by wonderful you! No one is putting a ring on your finger anytime soon, yes? Bait your hook and reel him in. You may do a catch and release, or take him home—right now, it’s just practice…
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