Thor

He walks among us. The G-d of strenth, healing, fertility, holiness and protector of mankind...I see him when I look into the soul of a man who asked for my help. He fights--not just MMA, but he fights for his beliefs. His internal struggle for what he knows is right for his life verses the degradation of what he is witness to.

He writes:

The issue for me isn't that I want to judge and hold past behavior over any woman's head. I have plenty of shortcomings of my own in other areas.

It's plainly and simply for me that I do not see a realistic shot of things working out long term if we are not on the same page. Perhaps it's old fashioned belief about gender roles, but the second one of these girls says something like "sex is fun, but I wish I'd waited longer" or "I dont have my V-card any more but don't think I'm easy" it's pretty much game over.

And it's rough because a bunch of them seem nice, cool, sweet, etc. It's just that I'm not going to throw away an epic hot(cold) streak when tons of girls wind up having to settle for a guy who isn't (sexually active) when they themselves are.
I can relate to J.'s frustration over this issue. One girl who I'm communicating with is coming on extremely pursuasively, putting me on a pedestal, making me question everything and get mad at myself.
Your hypothetical rape issue articulates the belief that virginity is as much a state of mind as a physical state. Said girl would have no control and not have consented.
In offering too much information of my own, yes, I am expecting a girl to bleed for me on the wedding night.
You're absolutely right on the age issue, which is why Ive been so disgusted and confused by all this. The best years to have kids from a purely biologically point of view are not at all in line with the ages when modern American couples are at their most stable and financially secure.
Girls that are 19-22 now, have the best chances in my opinion of being less jaded and corrupted by the world.

For even as staunch as I am in my convictions, I dont know how well I would have fared in an enviornment away from home, with no accountability and surrounded by booze (I dont even drink) and out of control girls. Especially if they caught wind of the MMA thing. Which at that age, I would have made sure they did.
Your personal situation sounds completely understandable. I've often wondered myself if there will come a "zero hour" when my ideals meet head on with stone cold reality in 2011.
You did me an incredible favor by organizing that date, and I won't forget it.
I appreciate your time with me. I just have a pathologically hard time with accepting defeat or giving up on something I really want.
 As for J., what I absolutely do not want to see, is the weight of the world/the pressures of older guys at school, etc. cause her to give up on her convictions and become like everyone else.

I responded:

It is old fashioned beliefs that keep you from either exploring sexuality at a young age or not--and I didn't have a very religious background--although I've always felt a strong identity and tie to my religion. I just knew what was and wasn't right for me. I've always FELT old fashioned--like I was born in a wrong era...but today, if a young girl isn't raised with either strong parental attachment (and note I said attachement-not control--because I believe there is a difference--i.e, two parents working), or religious constraints, it is far too easy to be pressured by either a man telling them that they love them and this is what people in love do;  they get drunk and loose it without having a clear head on their shoulders, or some sort of peer pressure iniation...which is what I had ultimately succumbed to.

It wasn't the girls, but The GUYS who I was working with kept telling me how much sexual fun I was missing out on. I didn't see a husband anywhere on the horizon, and I asked myself what I was waiting for. So I picked someone that I was attracted to, but I wasn't romantically attached to. I didn't want to go through the heartache of sharing every part of myself with a man, only to have him NOT call; I didn't want to have to wonder what he was doing on Saturday night without me. As I said, it was a mistake from this vantage point, but at the time, given the information that I had, I made what i felt was the best decision for me that I could have made.

The girl trying to convince you of dating her likes you--however, her pursuasion is her taking on the masculine role and pursing you. I know you well enough to know that you're the masculine energy. If you continue to allow her to do this to you without putting your foot down, you'll end up resentful. You need to out-masculine her by telling her that this what you think and no amount of arguement from her is going to change that.

However, I am going to remind you that there is a double standard for men and women. For a woman it is virtuous to have waited;  for a man, and the pressure of his peers, he becomes a pussy, beta male for not having had conquests.

I know that in an ideal world what you're looking for is a young virgin, however, if there is a woman who has made a previous mistake--and you like everything else about her, I would ask you to overlook that if you can...If it had been a circumstance that she had been raped--by no fault of her own that she was no longer a virgin, would it be different to you? Would you be able to overlook that unfortunate circumstance? (I'm just asking.) Because truthfully, the older that you get, the harder it's going to be to find a woman who hasn't had some sexual experience. At some age, the scale gets tipped between a woman feeling that she's too young for you/that you are too old for her and what's left for you is a woman with a past. That's painful to hear, but it is the truth. Men always want a woman 7-15 years younger but woman prefer a man who is 2-4 years older. For as much as men look at a woman as old, women feel the same way about a man....that a guy is just too old, too much life experience which means potential pressure on her to have sex with him early, not enough fun, nothing in common, previous baggage of a ex wife and children, alimony, child support and just generalized 'wrong for me'...yes, even at 27...when you're talking about a wanting a girl who is 19.

NO ONE ever wants to think of someone that they love having shared intimacy with someone else. For me it's so gross that if I meet someone that I know slept with someone else, the possibility of me even kissing them is vile. Isn't that crazy? At my age, there are lots of divorced men dating--but dating someone who's ex wife or ex girlfriends I've SEEN completely disguests me.

J.  had actually cried with me over this with her (then) boyfriend saying to me that she waited, why couldn't he? She was ready to stop dating him right then and there....BUT, he was sexually active before he knew her, and there is nothing that he could do, even if he wanted to, to change the past. All anyone can do is to control their behavior with you in their lives--not who they were in the past. It's one of the reasons that I try to convince a woman to give a guy who screwed up in the past another chance. I don't know if you can judge a person today for what they did long ago. It's only his (or in your case her) behavior when she's with you that she has any control over.

I completely agree with the finances and childbearing being out of whack. Even your age is a bit young. Most men are financially ready in their thirty's and certainly by their forty's--but what they don't have, that you do, is the great discomfort of having their wives had former lovers.

It's not the corruption, but the experience of the world that changes people. I'm not sure about 'jaded' verses 'disappointment' as being more accurate. Even with men, there comes a place--and you're not there yet when they wake up and realize that they aren't the corporate tiger that they had once hoped to be...that you can't attract a YOUNG woman anymore, and men come to realize that they are closer to the end of their life than the beginning. It's passages--and women have them, too. They wonder if they had pursued a career instead of a family where their lives would have taken them...it's growth sweety, and it happens for all of us, questioning the choices whether married or not. For as much as you would admirably want to shelter a woman from the storms of life, you cannot--but what you can do is to go through the storms together--in a partnership where you commit to the relationship over choosing to commit to eachother and lean on eachother for support when you need it.

Your girl could be anywhere--but the bible belt should afford you more choices--except that you run the risk of Protestant girls instead of Catholic. I know that it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, but the needles are there.