Janus, the G-d of transitions; beginnings and endings...of gates and doorways who both looks to the future and the past.
I had an email this morning from a man--an MMA fighter-- asking for my wisdom (I'm smiling) trying to navigate the online dating world while in his soul is transitioning from his single life to being ready for a married one...his life as a husband and father.
His criteria is that she be young, Catholic and a virgin; that is the foundation that he wants to build his future relationship and family on. He said that he's been patient and disciplined so that he can give 100% of himself to his future spouse and wants the same in return. He has a couple of dates set up for next month, but he's not enthusiastic about any of them. Of the ones that he's writing to, and the one that appears to be the most excited about meeting him he writes: she seems like a nice, educated girl with a similar world-view, however, she has openly admitted to me that she's not a virgin, so I don't want to put her through needless heartache or waste her time. I'm actually surprised at how frustrated I am over this. I'm not big on settling or compromise. I'm trying to be smart and picky. My friends are telling me to give up on the entire NJ/NY scene and either look in PA or move to FL where some of them live. I have tremendous ties and a good thing going with the NJ MMA scene and the connections I've made. I don't think that is necessary but the majority of girls I regularly encounter are not what I consider wife and mother of my kids material.
(I'll save my response to him for my next blog.)
There you have it--a God who walks among men. I've seen this over and over; I just wrote about this a few days ago in my 'Happy Day' blog. Yes, there are men who will go out every weekend looking for a sexual partner with no forethought of more than release. But in reality men think far less of the women that they have just had sex with than most women know. When you listen really closely, they complain. There is such joy in knowing that there ARE good men out there ready for the right women to come into their lives. All that women need to do is to behave appropriately enough for him to be proud to announce to the world that 'THIS is my wife'. I've seen so many times foolish women complaining that I was good enough to live with him, good enough to have his baby, good enough for blah, blah, blah (fill in the blank) but I'm NOT good enough to be his wife? Correct--you don't behave like a wife until you are one, you have no one to blame but yourself for the lack of the relationship that you ultimately wanted. A man will spend years sleeping with a woman might be feeling a physical connection with, but not an emotional one.
I had another request this week for some advice from a woman who had read in a man's profile "when she closes her arms around a man, she never opens them again" She asked him what he meant and he said 'that he cannot stand women who look for the highest bidder. That he is tired of women looking for the best deal . That he wants her to stay with him until he dies. When a woman is with someone and she is looking around, that is not love'.
I responded to her that IF he's telling you the truth, this guy has his 'looking for a permanent relationship' sign on. he is ready to find the woman he's going to marry. His player days are over; his days of 'maybe' I'll be with this one and trade up to a better model when she gets old are over. If you're looking/ready to be a wife, this man is a good bet. pat always says that we take a risk on a finite, fallible human being...he's worth the risk of dating, because by continuing to pursue you with mail contact when he could have disappeared, it he has a genuine interest in KNOWING you, not just sleeping with you. He's obviously has had experiences with women who were less than committed to a relationship with him...now what he brings to the table or not, we don't know yet...but i would urge you to give this guy a chance. It may very well be that he's initially clumsy socially--and he was looking for a reaction from you to start a conversation. Or it may be that he wisely pushed your buttons. Some men get attention being good, some men get attention being bad... if he wrote to you and said ''s up'? like lazy men in the online dating world, would you have had any reaction to him at all? Yes, feminine woman look for a good deal, but he hasn't made a offer for a deal to have you--and there's no way to know what he is offering until you go out with him. How you justify this to a man is by not telling him that you are dating others.You get an offer and make a decision while you're still getting offers from other men--until you decide that he's worth risking a monogamous relationship with.
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