M. wrote:
Will someone please help me stop?!?!?
I know it's the oxytocin making me crazy but since it's now been 1 week since our 2nd date and no call/text, I've managed to convince myself that the Cl. thing is one of those two-date wonders and he's now dropped off the face of th earth never to be heard from again. I mean, how hard is it to send a text message for God's sake? So no contact for a full week is really not a good sign.
I'm not going to say this "always" happens to me but it sure has happened A LOT in my dating past. I don't get it. Why do men do this? Normally I would just be annoyed and move on since I'd figure "he's not that into you" but with Clayton it's different. I KNOW he's into me. I'm not imagining things went well when they didn't... I KNOW the dates were both waaaay up there as far as good dates go. Even from a physical chemistry perspective alone - I hope this isn't too graphic but when we had all that passionate kissing I, um, could tell he was aroused :). You'd think he'd want a 3rd date just to try his luck!! (since he has no idea yet that I'd pull the no casual sex card).
And yes, I realize everything is just words words words... but I'm baffled as to how a guy can tell you how much he likes you, that you're amazing, all these bloody compliments, take you to one of the most expensive restaurants in town...and then pull away. I mean, he was even going on this tangent about the Myers-Briggs personality types and what type I was and then looking it up on my phone to see how I supposedly am in relationships and our compatibility (it was good).
Isn't it too early for him to be rubber banding or whatever, or going on an 8 week wait? I thought you had to have more of an actual established relationship for that. The only possible explanation I can think of is that he's already gone on holiday - he did mention that he had a trip back to his hometown (a 4-hour plane ride) for a few days and then from there the Turks & Caicos with his buddies. I never asked when or for how long. It just seems weird that he would go away without so much as a peep!!! Is this some lame 29-year-old guy method to "keep me on my toes" (as he referred to)... since it was probably obvious from the look in my eyes that I was smitten?
Anyway, now my phone is ringing off the hook with all these duty dates and I can't get excited at all. The only one I'm somewhat tempted by is C. just because he's so masculine and I feel like making out with him (or more) would possibly unbond me from Cl.
Ugggggh I'm so miserable. Now I feel so stupid for letting myself be vulnerable and getting hooked on him from just 2 measly dates and some kissing. :(
OK M.--Your crys for help are here being answered...you need to get yourself off of the rollercoaster....go for a run, take a zumba class, a nice hot bath, go feel the fabric of some pretty clothes, take a stroll through a pet shop. You need to do some 'feel good' things to stop the rumination of the addictive thoughts caused by the oxytocin going on inside of your head.
One of a few things could be going on- this may be 'man time' which is very very different from 'woman time'. while every second feels like an eternity, men compartmentalize--IF he's busy with work, a sick relative, heading on vacation, dating, taking a break from dating, thinking about going back with an ex--whatever--he's not thinking about you.
This is why we always give a guy 8 weeks to call before becoming grumpy...his time-frame from having a thought to having it move into the feeling center of his brain (as in he's missing you) could take up to 8 weeks. However, having said that, I've had men call me back 8 months to a year later telling me that they weren't ready then, but are now. You don't know what the universe has planned for you--but there is the saying that 'rejection is protection'--and if he doesn't come back to you, then he wasn't meant to. His being gone clears the way for the right man to come into your life.
I can tell you, that according to men that i know, sometimes things that get hot and heavy right away--although a man will jump on it--ultimately complain. Let me give you two examples....and both of these women slept with guys on their first dates. One is a friend who told me about a beautiful girl he met in
Las Vegas...he told me that was inside of every orafice within 2 days of meeting her...she was so very sure she was in love...he felt nothing but gratification. Second guy was my brother--and although he ended up in a relationship with this girl--she pursued him the entire time they were together. He laughed when he said to me that she thought, that he thought she must be special. He said to me 'I had known her 6 hours, how special could she have been to me?'
Whether or not you slept with him, he might just be feeling a physical connection to you, but not an emotional one. Men are charming. they are or we wouldn't like them so much. You have to ask yourself, that if you responded to his charm the way that you did, wouldn't other women? And the answer is of course. So all of the 'myers briggs' compatabliity look ups and the 'wouldn't a relationship be great' is just whipped cream on the ice cream to get you to respond positively to him...and it worked.
As for him going away and not a peep from him, he doesn't owe you that. You're not his mom or his girlfriend. Would it have been nice? Sure, but you can't put your head on his shoulders...and THAT should be grounding for you. You're more invested in this than he is.
Now here's your bit of scolding....we don't get to call a guy lame just because he isn't doing what you want, when you want. And we both KNOW that it's only the men that keep up on our toes that we're interested in. those are the men that excite us with possibility.
Keep duty dating--that's the point; to practice retaining your excitement when you are and restraining yourself from the Haagen Dazs when you're not.
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