Blondie:
Saying goodbye to love even when it has run its course is never easy, but it is necessary. It truly broke my heart to hear that your younger brother sent Anthony a card asking him to come visit him and said that he never comes over like he used to; and p.s. please date my sister again so she can come home.
First and foremost you must call your younger brother today and tell him that both you and your sister (next year) have to go away to school so that you can learn how to make lots of money…and when he grows up, he’s going to go away to school, too. You have to reassure him that you love him and that Anthony’s not dating you anymore isn’t the reason you aren’t home, but school is. That you miss him very much and you’ll come home to see him every chance you get to. He can always call you when he misses you and that you’d love to get a card from him too—that you promise to keep it with you at school.
It also broke my heart to hear that Anthony was crying on the phone when he told you this today. For as tough as men are on the outside, their soul is far more sensitive than a woman’s. That is hard to believe but it is true…a woman will never be as sensitive as a man. It’s a paradox. It’s one of the reasons that I always advise women to be careful with a man’s soul. Pat says that they have a steel door and that what you do and say gets etched in acid—they never forget a hurt. Once that steel door comes down that covers the softness of their soul, there is no opening it again.
There is an important lesson here for you here that I’m not even sure that you’re aware of.
When Anthony became cocky to you because he didn’t want you to have the natural growth and development that everyone goes through he became angry at you. He said that you were no longer the woman he fell in love with and after breaking up with you actually said “against my better judgment, I want to go out with you again”. Kudos to you for saying no to that “offer”. A man will always value you at the price you value for yourself. You walked away; you respected his space to miss you, by saying that doesn’t feel good; thank you, but no.
A man may always want the challenge of fighting for a woman; it is within their nature. That emotion doesn’t translate to a feminine woman. She wants the safety and security of knowing that a man is there for her before she can become vulnerable and dependent on him. If she needs to fight for a man, a feminine woman will always lose interest.
Every woman has to always remember that she is the prize a man is fight for; he gets the privilege of her allowing herself to acquiesce to his leadership by giving him the chance to cherish, protect and provide for her after –ONLY he has proven himself worthy of having her. It is always a woman’s choice to say yes or no, that isn’t a good enough offer.
His cockiness and his angry ego wanted to knock you down a peg and have you believe that HE was the prize that you got to keep. I’ve always said to you that a woman loves herself more than she ever loves a man. You proved that you wouldn’t tolerate anything less from any man—including the one you were considering spending the rest of your life with.
Physiologically men and women’s brains are different. There is a variation for left handed men and biologically gay men, but right handed men cannot think and feel at the same time. I call it tick-tocking…the amount of time it takes men to process the difference between their thoughts and feelings. You must remember that it could take men up to eight weeks to move from one side of a man’s brain—the logical to the feeling side and really begin to feel a woman’s loss. Women can always think and feel at the same time.
If you have not heard from a man after eight weeks, chances are you never will. If a man comes back to you before hand, he is beginning to really FEEL your loss and hopes that he can get you back before he looses you to another man.
I’ve advised you and I would other women as well that although you can date other men during the eight week waiting time, IF you want the relationship back, you must never be physically intimate with any other man. The man from the old relationship will never forgive that you valued yourself less by not having another man work hard for you; not as hard as he did; it will change how he views his prize of having you, forever.
When Anthony called you today, although he cried, he didn’t ask for you to come back. He’s blaming you when the truth is that it is his behavior that had you no longer wanting that what he was offering you was enough; it was not. His words to you were hurtful and undeserved. No one is perfect and it’s unfair to ask a human to be, but his saying “what do you want me to do sit around and wait for you? You threw me out of your life” will be his lesson to learn if and when he examines his part in this break up.
But in my asking you if you would be willing to stop dating your new guy to return to Anthony, you said that you would not; neither would you be willing to date both of them casually and not be exclusive with either.
So you have your answer. The loss of Anthony is a painful one; you’ll have those memories forever. He set the bar and that’s a wonderful position for him to be in. But it is also time to let go make room for someone new in your life.
Your lesson is that you must always ask yourself how it feels to be in the company of a man and listen carefully to anything that feels uncomfortable in your body. Right now D is the man where you feel you are at your best being with. Anthony, through his own behavior lost that feeling in you.
Saying goodbye to love even when it has run its course is never easy, but it is necessary. It truly broke my heart to hear that your younger brother sent Anthony a card asking him to come visit him and said that he never comes over like he used to; and p.s. please date my sister again so she can come home.
First and foremost you must call your younger brother today and tell him that both you and your sister (next year) have to go away to school so that you can learn how to make lots of money…and when he grows up, he’s going to go away to school, too. You have to reassure him that you love him and that Anthony’s not dating you anymore isn’t the reason you aren’t home, but school is. That you miss him very much and you’ll come home to see him every chance you get to. He can always call you when he misses you and that you’d love to get a card from him too—that you promise to keep it with you at school.
It also broke my heart to hear that Anthony was crying on the phone when he told you this today. For as tough as men are on the outside, their soul is far more sensitive than a woman’s. That is hard to believe but it is true…a woman will never be as sensitive as a man. It’s a paradox. It’s one of the reasons that I always advise women to be careful with a man’s soul. Pat says that they have a steel door and that what you do and say gets etched in acid—they never forget a hurt. Once that steel door comes down that covers the softness of their soul, there is no opening it again.
There is an important lesson here for you here that I’m not even sure that you’re aware of.
When Anthony became cocky to you because he didn’t want you to have the natural growth and development that everyone goes through he became angry at you. He said that you were no longer the woman he fell in love with and after breaking up with you actually said “against my better judgment, I want to go out with you again”. Kudos to you for saying no to that “offer”. A man will always value you at the price you value for yourself. You walked away; you respected his space to miss you, by saying that doesn’t feel good; thank you, but no.
A man may always want the challenge of fighting for a woman; it is within their nature. That emotion doesn’t translate to a feminine woman. She wants the safety and security of knowing that a man is there for her before she can become vulnerable and dependent on him. If she needs to fight for a man, a feminine woman will always lose interest.
Every woman has to always remember that she is the prize a man is fight for; he gets the privilege of her allowing herself to acquiesce to his leadership by giving him the chance to cherish, protect and provide for her after –ONLY he has proven himself worthy of having her. It is always a woman’s choice to say yes or no, that isn’t a good enough offer.
His cockiness and his angry ego wanted to knock you down a peg and have you believe that HE was the prize that you got to keep. I’ve always said to you that a woman loves herself more than she ever loves a man. You proved that you wouldn’t tolerate anything less from any man—including the one you were considering spending the rest of your life with.
Physiologically men and women’s brains are different. There is a variation for left handed men and biologically gay men, but right handed men cannot think and feel at the same time. I call it tick-tocking…the amount of time it takes men to process the difference between their thoughts and feelings. You must remember that it could take men up to eight weeks to move from one side of a man’s brain—the logical to the feeling side and really begin to feel a woman’s loss. Women can always think and feel at the same time.
If you have not heard from a man after eight weeks, chances are you never will. If a man comes back to you before hand, he is beginning to really FEEL your loss and hopes that he can get you back before he looses you to another man.
I’ve advised you and I would other women as well that although you can date other men during the eight week waiting time, IF you want the relationship back, you must never be physically intimate with any other man. The man from the old relationship will never forgive that you valued yourself less by not having another man work hard for you; not as hard as he did; it will change how he views his prize of having you, forever.
When Anthony called you today, although he cried, he didn’t ask for you to come back. He’s blaming you when the truth is that it is his behavior that had you no longer wanting that what he was offering you was enough; it was not. His words to you were hurtful and undeserved. No one is perfect and it’s unfair to ask a human to be, but his saying “what do you want me to do sit around and wait for you? You threw me out of your life” will be his lesson to learn if and when he examines his part in this break up.
But in my asking you if you would be willing to stop dating your new guy to return to Anthony, you said that you would not; neither would you be willing to date both of them casually and not be exclusive with either.
So you have your answer. The loss of Anthony is a painful one; you’ll have those memories forever. He set the bar and that’s a wonderful position for him to be in. But it is also time to let go make room for someone new in your life.
Your lesson is that you must always ask yourself how it feels to be in the company of a man and listen carefully to anything that feels uncomfortable in your body. Right now D is the man where you feel you are at your best being with. Anthony, through his own behavior lost that feeling in you.
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