When I think about him in relation to Pat’s teachings--that immoral affects the body, unethical affects property, illegal affects the law. Technically what he did to me was immoral--however it is my belief that he hurt me professionally so that would change for me into being unethical because it affected my ability to pay for and have property.
At the present time, that was the only example that I could think of that fit the one-of-three-reasons to end a relationship and I’m wondering if I have it inside of me to forgive that behavior to have love.
I’ve thought about that regarding FB—a man that I loved deeper than any other; the kind of irreplaceable love little girls are given to believe in through fairy tales.
I heard from FB over the holidays, and he let me know he was still unattached. I didn’t ask him. But knowing that lead me to question could I ever want him again the way that I had? Ultimately my answer with FB is no. While he was for many years everything I could have ever wanted in a man my wish list has evolved into something softer…quieter…a more peaceful day to day life than the need for excitement of an everyday roller coaster ride.
Forgiveness is choice; a matter of whether my yang (male energy) is going to rise up and protect my heart verses (as Pat says) choosing to either be right or loved. Sorry one moment and bitchy the next. Is there a graceful way I could find a balance between eff you for hurting me (sadness, anger, hurt, cold) and finding a place of peace and forgiveness and the love that I really want...
Perhaps this is not different to me than refining non-negotiable or otherwise reflecting out to the world that I choose to be in it. For example, in a particular site that I’m on, I have men choose to argue with me about my feelings rather than choose to learn to understand them--and all women by extension. One male online friend were chatting and I regretfully I sent him sample of a private message that was sent to me chock full of what I felt were inflammatory remarks specifically looking to begin an argument with me over my FEELINGS. I told the writer of the note that I wasn't inclined to be involved with a fight with him and if he continued to write to me that I would no longer respond. My buddy wrote to me a few days later telling me that he wasn't surprised that my "flamer" didn't write back. I told him that he did several times but I didn't pass on his (the flamer’s) emails to him (my buddy) because it reflected poorly on me--meaning that what was sent to me as a private message was passed on to someone it wasn’t intended for. There wasn't anything personal in the original message but I felt that it might leave him (my buddy) to someday wonder whether he as my friend could trust that HIS messages wouldn't be passed around. I made a choice; I chose NOT to be that woman.
I have a girlfriend liken this to tai chi. She said in tai chi, that you are taught that when you hit a plateau nothing seems to be working. Every movement feels wrong in your body and you begin to think of quitting the practice because you don’t think you’ll ever get it right. She told me that she had to learn to applaud the plateau because just when you think it’s never going to be right, it is. You need to do what feels wrong, because you are taught that's how it's "supposed to be done", even though it doesn't feel natural or correct in your body...and then suddenly a new level of understanding opens up to you.
Years ago when I was taking alot of yoga, my Yogi came over to me while I was sitting in a twisted position. He touched me said softly to me lift your left kidney. I thought "what?" and I looked at him. He knew what I was thinking and said to me "you don't know what I'm saying, but your body does". I took a breath into the pain, slightly lifted my ribcage and moved positions. He said ahhh, there, you did it. In time, every belief, every emotional position you are taught—in a moment of crystallization becomes obvious. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, what you needed was there all along.
But know, that as great as a breakthrough feels, you now have to start over again because what was learned is at a deeper and more meaning level. It is not linear, but a spiral of an ever evolving higher quality of relating.
I question always, if when I get to the root, will I find the cure? Or when I get to the root, will I find more dirt? And then I remember that every interaction is a opportunity for a learned experience--and the more painful, the bigger the life lesson.
At the present time, that was the only example that I could think of that fit the one-of-three-reasons to end a relationship and I’m wondering if I have it inside of me to forgive that behavior to have love.
I’ve thought about that regarding FB—a man that I loved deeper than any other; the kind of irreplaceable love little girls are given to believe in through fairy tales.
I heard from FB over the holidays, and he let me know he was still unattached. I didn’t ask him. But knowing that lead me to question could I ever want him again the way that I had? Ultimately my answer with FB is no. While he was for many years everything I could have ever wanted in a man my wish list has evolved into something softer…quieter…a more peaceful day to day life than the need for excitement of an everyday roller coaster ride.
Forgiveness is choice; a matter of whether my yang (male energy) is going to rise up and protect my heart verses (as Pat says) choosing to either be right or loved. Sorry one moment and bitchy the next. Is there a graceful way I could find a balance between eff you for hurting me (sadness, anger, hurt, cold) and finding a place of peace and forgiveness and the love that I really want...
Perhaps this is not different to me than refining non-negotiable or otherwise reflecting out to the world that I choose to be in it. For example, in a particular site that I’m on, I have men choose to argue with me about my feelings rather than choose to learn to understand them--and all women by extension. One male online friend were chatting and I regretfully I sent him sample of a private message that was sent to me chock full of what I felt were inflammatory remarks specifically looking to begin an argument with me over my FEELINGS. I told the writer of the note that I wasn't inclined to be involved with a fight with him and if he continued to write to me that I would no longer respond. My buddy wrote to me a few days later telling me that he wasn't surprised that my "flamer" didn't write back. I told him that he did several times but I didn't pass on his (the flamer’s) emails to him (my buddy) because it reflected poorly on me--meaning that what was sent to me as a private message was passed on to someone it wasn’t intended for. There wasn't anything personal in the original message but I felt that it might leave him (my buddy) to someday wonder whether he as my friend could trust that HIS messages wouldn't be passed around. I made a choice; I chose NOT to be that woman.
I have a girlfriend liken this to tai chi. She said in tai chi, that you are taught that when you hit a plateau nothing seems to be working. Every movement feels wrong in your body and you begin to think of quitting the practice because you don’t think you’ll ever get it right. She told me that she had to learn to applaud the plateau because just when you think it’s never going to be right, it is. You need to do what feels wrong, because you are taught that's how it's "supposed to be done", even though it doesn't feel natural or correct in your body...and then suddenly a new level of understanding opens up to you.
Years ago when I was taking alot of yoga, my Yogi came over to me while I was sitting in a twisted position. He touched me said softly to me lift your left kidney. I thought "what?" and I looked at him. He knew what I was thinking and said to me "you don't know what I'm saying, but your body does". I took a breath into the pain, slightly lifted my ribcage and moved positions. He said ahhh, there, you did it. In time, every belief, every emotional position you are taught—in a moment of crystallization becomes obvious. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, what you needed was there all along.
But know, that as great as a breakthrough feels, you now have to start over again because what was learned is at a deeper and more meaning level. It is not linear, but a spiral of an ever evolving higher quality of relating.
I question always, if when I get to the root, will I find the cure? Or when I get to the root, will I find more dirt? And then I remember that every interaction is a opportunity for a learned experience--and the more painful, the bigger the life lesson.
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